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Life gets more Pinteresting

May 23, 2013 By Clair McFarland

The Pinterest app is on my iPad, thereby upgrading the device from "expensive cookbook" to "expensive cupcake decorating handbook."

In an attempt to deflect the Facebook withdrawals which my year of being Facebook-free sometimes yields, I joined Pinterest. And by "joined Pinterest" I mean "asked the time-wasting goblins to help me do a jigsaw puzzle of Kenny Rogers's new face prior to watching Lord of the Rings."

Pinterest is a website, an application, a profile page, that is devoted to pictures, or pins. These are not photo album pictures, but pictures of projects, inspirations, recipe outcomes, famous people and concepts. These "pins" are always captioned. In short, the site is comprised of hundreds of random pictures, which compel one to scroll for an unhealthy period of time. Like I said, time-wasting goblins.

Nevertheless, the Pinterest app is on my iPad, thereby upgrading the device from "expensive cookbook" to "expensive cupcake decorating handbook."

Well, there are actually thousands of other, non-cupcake themes in the Pinterest world, which is only slightly more surprising than the fact that there are thousands of other, non-cupcake themes in the regular world.

Here are some examples from the Pinterest world:

One "pinner" has created a comic-picture series of captioned photo collages that use quotes to compare members of the Beatles --in their prime --to characters from the movie "Mean Girls." And Lennon says to Ringo "so, you think you're pretty?"

Other pinners have posted hundreds of different kinds of braids. How ... fascinating.

On Pinterest, you can learn to make anything yourself. Truly, if you follow the cute instructions very carefully, you can wind up with homemade sunscreen that gets you sunburned, pancakes that are full of vegetables (these taste ... healthy), origami that inspires pyromania, and wardrobe additions that make you scowl like a runway model. That's hot.

And don't forget to embrace that workout routine that will androgenize your shoulders. It is written out, atop a backdrop featuring a beautiful girl with tough-looking shoulders. You'll scroll through potential workout routines, then erupt with "but I don't just want to look at pictures of cute girls!" At this point in your monologue, the guys playing Modern Warfare with The Husband may ask to borrow your iPad.

If you spend any amount of time on Pinterest, you learn to end every sentence with passion!!!

The regular Pinner generally breaks down and agrees that the Hemsworth brothers are probably gallant boys, though she has no idea whether this is really the case.

She also gains an affinity for useless creations, just because she can make them out of The Husband's old shirts: fashion scarves, hair ribbons, a wallet in which to put another wallet (why, women?) and a necklace that resembles a boa constrictor. Yep, my household has been suffering without these staples; let's start sewing right away.

Pinterest is a place for words within pictures. Every home décor post depicts a living room wherein the walls have been plastered with quotes that were probably penned by the Justin Beiber-esque rabid fans of Shakespeare, back in Shakespeare's day. Here we see the playwright shake his brilliant head at these amateurs and rest comfortably in the job security he'll have for all of the years to come. Until Pinterest comes along.

As it is my tendency to quit outlets that won't help me raise babies, finish dinner, clean toilets, or finally finish "Moby Dick," I can see my Pinterest page going the way of my bygone Facebook page.

But then, I've got a few cupcake recipes to try before I give this time goblin the boot.

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